The Fence

There was a large group of people. On one side of the group stood a man, Jesus. On the other side of the group stood Satan. Separating them, running through the group, was a fence. 
       
      The scene set, both Jesus and Satan began calling to the people in the group and, one by one - each having made up his or her own mind - each went to either Jesus or Satan. 
       
      This kept going. Soon enough, Jesus had gathered around him a group of people from the larger crowd, as did Satan. 
       
      But one man joined neither group. He climbed the fence that was there and sat on it. Then Jesus and his people left and disappeared. So too did Satan and his people. And the man on the fence sat alone. 
       
      As this man sat, Satan came back, looking for something which he appeared to have lost. The man said, "Have you lost something?" Satan looked straight at him and replied, "No, there you are. Come with me." 
       
      "But", said the man, "I sat on the fence. I chose neither you nor him." 
       
      "That's okay," said Satan. "I own the fence."


http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Satan/The_Fence.shtml

Catholic Jokes

The link below will take you to "Catholic Jokes."  I recommend them.  Really funny.  Here's a sample:


A Franciscan and Jesuit were debating which order was the greatest. So, they decided to ask for a sign from God. This is what they received falling down from heaven:

My sons,

Please stop bickering about such trivial matters,

Sincerely,
God, O.P.

 http://www.fisheaters.com/jokes.html

Rider?

Never give the Devil a ride.
He will always want to drive.

This w/ many other fun, seasonal jokes found here:
http://javacasa.com/humor/seasonal.htm

How You Make Up Your Mind

While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit  by a car and died.  His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.  "Welcome to heaven," says St.  Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom  see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure  what to do with you."  "No problem, just let me in," says the Senator..  "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the  higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend  eternity."  "Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in  heaven," says the Senator.  "I'm sorry, but we have our  rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator  and he goes down, down, down to hell.  The doors open and he  finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance  is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and  other politicians who had worked with him.  Everyone is very  happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand,  and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at  the expense of  the people.  They  played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the  finest champagne.  Also present is the devil, who really is a very  friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling  jokes.  They are all having such a good time that before the Senator  realizes it, it is time to go.  Everyone gives him a hearty farewell  and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up  and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now  it's time to visit heaven.."  So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.  

"Well, then, you've spent  a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."  The  Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have  said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be  better off in hell."  So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..

Now the doors of the elevator  open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and  garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash  and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.  The  devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.  "I  don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there  was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank  champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland  full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"  The  devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday  we were campaigning ... Today, you voted.."

Peter's Mother-in-law

It has been suggested that the real miracle when Christ healed Peter's mother-in-law, was that Peter wanted his mother-in-law healed. :S