Calling God

A newly ordained priest was traveling up from Cincinnati to his assigned parish.  Going through Dayton, he saw a sign that advertised phone-calls to God only $100.  He thought "that would be really nice to be able to call God, but that's a little too pricey for me."  Passing through Sydney, he saw a sign advertising phone-calls to God for only $30.  He almost stopped because that seemed like such a good price, but he was almost to his destination so he decided to wait.  When he arrived in McCartyville where he was assigned, he asked the parishioner who greeted him "How much does it cost to call God from here?"  The McCartyville man answered "Oh, nothing!  It's a local call!"

(This joke was told by a priest originally from McCartyville to some folks from McCartyville, where they like to say they live in God's country.)  :)

Politicians

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

from Top 100 Funniest One-Liners.

Silly One-Liners

These are very silly yet funny one-liners.  Young kids would like them.
http://theoatmeal.com/djtaf/

Ask and you shall receive!!!

Two Jesuit novices both wanted a cigarette while they prayed. They decided to ask their superior for permission. The first asked but was told no. A little while later he spotted his friend smoking and praying. "Why did the superior allow you to smoke and not me?" he asked. His friend replied, "Because you asked if you could smoke while you prayed, and I asked if I could pray while I smoked!"


more like this found at fisheaters.

Flying Penguins

Penguins can fly!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dfWzp7rYR4

Kudos to the BBC!

The Fence

There was a large group of people. On one side of the group stood a man, Jesus. On the other side of the group stood Satan. Separating them, running through the group, was a fence. 
       
      The scene set, both Jesus and Satan began calling to the people in the group and, one by one - each having made up his or her own mind - each went to either Jesus or Satan. 
       
      This kept going. Soon enough, Jesus had gathered around him a group of people from the larger crowd, as did Satan. 
       
      But one man joined neither group. He climbed the fence that was there and sat on it. Then Jesus and his people left and disappeared. So too did Satan and his people. And the man on the fence sat alone. 
       
      As this man sat, Satan came back, looking for something which he appeared to have lost. The man said, "Have you lost something?" Satan looked straight at him and replied, "No, there you are. Come with me." 
       
      "But", said the man, "I sat on the fence. I chose neither you nor him." 
       
      "That's okay," said Satan. "I own the fence."


http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Satan/The_Fence.shtml

Catholic Jokes

The link below will take you to "Catholic Jokes."  I recommend them.  Really funny.  Here's a sample:


A Franciscan and Jesuit were debating which order was the greatest. So, they decided to ask for a sign from God. This is what they received falling down from heaven:

My sons,

Please stop bickering about such trivial matters,

Sincerely,
God, O.P.

 http://www.fisheaters.com/jokes.html